Last Updated on April 22, 2025
What is the Worst Sex Advice According to Experts?
Sex advice is abundant, but not all of it is helpful or accurate. This article exposes common misconceptions and presents valuable insights from experts in the field of sexual health and relationships. Discover what professionals consider the worst sex advice and learn about more effective approaches to intimacy and pleasure.
- Planned Intimacy Enhances Long-Term Relationships
- Savor the Journey of Pleasure
- Collaboration Trumps Compromise in Sexual Relationships
- Foreplay: Essential for Satisfying Sexual Experiences
- Focus on Your Unique Sexual Journey
- Honesty Trumps Faking in Intimate Moments
- Open Dialogue Improves Sexual Satisfaction
- Pleasure Matters More Than Orgasm Alone
Planned Intimacy Enhances Long-Term Relationships
One of the worst pieces of sex advice I’ve encountered is the idea that “good sex should always be spontaneous.” This advice is harmful because it sets unrealistic expectations for how intimacy should work in relationships, especially long-term ones. Spontaneity can be wonderful, but life often gets busy with work, family, and other responsibilities. Believing that sex should only happen on a whim can lead to frustration, guilt, or feelings of inadequacy when reality doesn’t align with that ideal.
Instead, I encourage couples to think about intimacy like any other important part of their relationship—something worth planning for and prioritizing. Scheduling time to connect doesn’t make it less romantic or exciting; it shows intentionality and care for your partner. By creating space for emotional and physical closeness, you can actually foster deeper intimacy and a more fulfilling sex life.
Kristie Tse
Psychotherapist | Mental Health Expert | Founder, Uncover Mental Health Counseling
Savor the Journey of Pleasure
Sadly, more often than not, there’s more bad sex advice out there than good. So much of it is performance-driven and focused solely on reaching orgasm. But for me, real pleasure comes from following what genuinely turns you on and listening to your body’s cues. Instead of rushing toward the goal of orgasm, savor the journey of pleasure. Get lost in that.
Erica Wiederlight
The Confidence Coach (Specializes in Mental Health, Self Love, Dating & Sex), We The Light
Collaboration Trumps Compromise in Sexual Relationships
I’d say the worst sex advice I’ve heard is “every relationship takes compromise” because usually that means, in a heterosexual context, the woman should periodically give in to the man’s desires. And in our patriarchal society, that message of female subservience has been told over and over — from the movies we see where adolescent boys eventually overtake the girl to the fact that men historically having controlled science means far less is known about the female gender (only in the last 20 years has it been known the clitoris is not a button but an entire internal starfish-like organ with as much erectile tissue as a penis).
What’s better than compromise? Collaboration. Curiosity. Creativity. In the precious rawness of sexuality, both people deserve to feel deeply met, not negotiated down. True erotic connection isn’t about taking turns sacrificing — it’s about tuning in, co-creating experiences that light both people up, and honoring authentic yes’s and no’s. At the School for Love, we say, “if it’s not good for both people, it’s not good for the relationship”.
Paul Aaron Travis
Chief Authintimacy Officer, The School For Love
Foreplay: Essential for Satisfying Sexual Experiences
Skipping foreplay to rush into intercourse is considered poor advice by sex experts. Foreplay plays a crucial role in arousal and overall sexual satisfaction for both partners. It helps build anticipation, increases lubrication, and enhances emotional connection.
Rushing straight to intercourse can lead to discomfort, reduced pleasure, and potentially unsatisfying experiences. Taking time for foreplay can significantly improve the quality of sexual encounters. Make an effort to explore and enjoy the entire journey of intimacy, not just the destination.
Focus on Your Unique Sexual Journey
Comparing your sex life to others’ is often viewed as harmful by relationship experts. Every couple’s sexual relationship is unique, influenced by individual preferences, experiences, and circumstances. Making comparisons can lead to unnecessary pressure, insecurity, and unrealistic expectations.
It’s important to focus on what works for you and your partner rather than trying to measure up to perceived norms or standards. Open communication about desires and satisfaction within the relationship is far more beneficial. Prioritize understanding and meeting each other’s needs instead of worrying about how your sex life compares to others.
Honesty Trumps Faking in Intimate Moments
Faking orgasms to please a partner is considered counterproductive by sex therapists. While the intention might be to avoid hurting a partner’s feelings, it ultimately hinders genuine sexual satisfaction and intimacy. Faking prevents honest communication about what truly brings pleasure and can lead to long-term frustration.
It also deprives the partner of the opportunity to learn and improve their lovemaking skills. Authentic experiences, even if they don’t always result in orgasm, are far more valuable for building a fulfilling sex life. Foster an environment of trust where both partners feel comfortable expressing their true feelings and experiences.
Open Dialogue Improves Sexual Satisfaction
Avoiding communication about sexual preferences is seen as detrimental by relationship counselors. Open dialogue about desires, boundaries, and experiences is fundamental to a healthy and satisfying sex life. Without clear communication, partners may feel unsatisfied, misunderstood, or even resentful. Discussing preferences can lead to greater intimacy, trust, and mutual pleasure.
It allows couples to explore new experiences together and address any issues that arise. Creating a safe space for honest conversations about sex can significantly enhance the overall quality of the relationship. Start by sharing one new thing you’d like to try or discuss with your partner.
Pleasure Matters More Than Orgasm Alone
Believing that sex always leads to orgasm is considered misguided by sexual health professionals. While orgasms can be a enjoyable part of sexual experiences, they are not the sole measure of satisfaction or success. This belief can create unnecessary pressure and anxiety, potentially leading to performance issues or feelings of inadequacy.
Sexual encounters can be pleasurable and intimate without necessarily culminating in orgasm. Focusing too much on reaching climax can detract from the overall experience of connection and pleasure. Shift the focus to enjoying the entire journey of intimacy rather than fixating on a specific outcome.
