Last Updated on April 22, 2025
7 Key Factors for a Healthy Sexual Relationship in Long-Term Partnerships
Maintaining a healthy sexual relationship in long-term partnerships is a topic of interest for many couples. This article presents key factors that contribute to sustaining intimacy, drawing from expert insights in the field. By exploring these essential elements, readers can gain valuable knowledge to enhance their own relationships.
- Embrace Personalized Sexual Frequency
- Prioritize Connection Over Societal Expectations
- Nurture Emotional Intimacy for Physical Satisfaction
- Foster Open Dialogue About Desires
- Focus on Quality Encounters, Not Quantity
- Cultivate Individual Growth to Spark Attraction
- Adapt Intimacy Through Life’s Transitions
Embrace Personalized Sexual Frequency
You should have sex as often as you desire, as long as it does not create unhealthy behaviors or impair your productivity.
Normalcy is relative and depends on many factors. Whether you desire sex twice a month or six times a week, both are okay, and neither is wrong or unhealthy.
The messages from society have a significant impact on the way we view sex, and it differs based on gender. Men are often encouraged to explore and have as much sex as they desire, whereas women are expected to remain demure and maintain a low count to ensure their quality as a woman and future wife.
The typical trajectory of sexual frequency decreases over time and may increase again depending on a few factors, such as work/parenting responsibilities and life stress. Couples in their 20s and 30s have sex up to three times a week, whereas couples in their 40s have sex less than once a week, and those 50 and older have sex less than 20 times per year.
Couples can reignite their intimacy by being intentional about their time. This can include creating more time for communication, scheduling intimate and sexual activities, and setting boundaries around electronics, children, and excessive working.
Sexual frequency correlates heavily with overall relationship satisfaction if sex is a priority for that particular relationship. Sex is more than just physical; it is an emotional and spiritual bond, and also a stress reliever. However, for asexual couples, emotional intimacy may be the highest form of relationship satisfaction, not physical sex.
Advice I would give to couples with mismatched desire is:
- Change their view around sex. Sex is meant to be fun and fulfilling, not a chore, so change the narrative of what sex is and communicate openly about it.
- Mismatched desire is very common in relationships, and sex should occur at the rate of the person who desires it the least. For the person who desires it the most, discuss other options in which your needs can be met—whether it is through masturbation or other healthy activities where everyone’s needs are met.
Kasey Scharnett-King, LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Certified Sex Therapist, Lavender Healing Center
Prioritize Connection Over Societal Expectations
1. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. “Normal” is whatever works for you. I’ve worked with couples who are happy having sex multiple times a day and others who feel completely satisfied having sex once a month. What matters more than how often it’s happening is the quality of the connection—and that everyone involved feels satisfied. It’s not about keeping score; it’s about staying in sync with each other’s needs and desires.
2. Societal pressure is loud, but it’s not real. It can absolutely seep into how couples feel about their sex lives—I see it all the time—but no one is actually in your bedroom evaluating your performance. That pressure is just noise. The key is tuning it out and focusing on what’s true for your relationship, not what anyone else says is “normal.”
3. It’s normal for frequency to ebb and flow, especially during different life seasons—kids, career shifts, stress, etc. It’s not about avoiding it; it’s about knowing how to stay connected when it happens. I always tell couples: Schedule the sex. Seriously. We put everything else on our calendars. Prioritize intimacy too! I also love Dan Savage’s “F*** First” rule (I call it A-F-F: Always F*** First). Have sex before the date so you’re not too tired or distracted to connect physically.
4. Start with curiosity, not blame. Try talking about what you both want more of, not just what’s missing. Then build from there. Scheduling sex is a great first step. Then remember that intimacy is a practice, not a performance.
5. Sex is part of the picture but it’s not the whole thing. The couples I work with who are the most satisfied in their relationships have strong communication skills and a solid friendship as their foundation. Those two things matter more in the long run than how often sex is happening.
6. First, this is very common. You are not broken, and your relationship isn’t doomed. The goal isn’t to “fix” one person’s libido; it’s to understand where each of you is coming from and get creative together. Talk openly (and kindly) about what you want, what you miss, and what you’re afraid to say out loud. Sometimes the solution is practical (like scheduling or changing up routines) and sometimes it’s emotional or relational. The important thing is that you’re a team tackling this together.
Jordan Murphy
Founder, The Couples Coach
Nurture Emotional Intimacy for Physical Satisfaction
Trust and emotional intimacy are crucial for a healthy sexual relationship in long-term partnerships. When partners feel emotionally safe with each other, they can be more vulnerable and open in their physical intimacy. This emotional connection allows couples to explore and express their desires without fear of judgment.
Building trust takes time and effort, but it creates a strong foundation for a satisfying sexual relationship. Couples who prioritize emotional intimacy often find their physical connection deepens as well. Take time to nurture emotional closeness with your partner to enhance your sexual bond.
Foster Open Dialogue About Desires
Open communication about desires and boundaries is essential for a thriving sexual relationship. Partners who can honestly discuss their needs and limits create a safe space for exploration and growth. This openness allows couples to address any issues or concerns before they become major problems.
By talking openly, partners can discover new ways to please each other and keep their intimate life exciting. Remember that preferences and boundaries may change over time, so regular check-ins are important. Start a conversation with your partner today about your desires and boundaries to strengthen your sexual connection.
Focus on Quality Encounters, Not Quantity
Prioritizing quality over quantity in sexual encounters can lead to a more satisfying long-term relationship. It’s not about how often couples are intimate, but rather the level of connection and pleasure they experience together. Taking time to create a relaxed atmosphere and focus on each other can greatly enhance the experience.
This approach allows partners to fully engage in the moment and enjoy deeper intimacy. Quality encounters can leave both partners feeling more fulfilled and connected. Consider ways to make your next intimate experience more meaningful and enjoyable for both you and your partner.
Cultivate Individual Growth to Spark Attraction
Maintaining individual identities and personal growth contributes to a healthy sexual relationship. When partners continue to develop as individuals, they bring fresh energy and experiences to their partnership. This personal growth can spark curiosity and attraction between long-term partners.
It’s important for each person to have their own interests and goals outside the relationship. This independence can actually strengthen the bond between partners and keep the sexual dynamic interesting. Encourage your partner’s personal pursuits and share your own experiences to keep your relationship dynamic and exciting.
Adapt Intimacy Through Life’s Transitions
Adapting to changing life stages together is crucial for maintaining a healthy sexual relationship over time. As couples go through different phases of life, their needs and desires may shift. Being flexible and understanding during these transitions can help partners stay connected.
This might involve adjusting expectations, trying new approaches, or seeking professional guidance when needed. Couples who work together to navigate these changes often find their bond grows stronger. Embrace the journey of growth with your partner and be open to evolving your intimate life as you both change.
