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Looking at sex through this lens — which typically men have bodily pleasure and crave empathetic joy, and girls have the empathetic desire and want physical joy — has become a fundamental keystone in my understanding of how sex works, what might be going on as it is not working, and everything to do about it. While immediate, somatic, bodily pleasure comes easy to them, there is a part — sharing or shared experience in the expertise of somebody else — which guys hunger for.